"If you don't have something nice to say.....SAY IT!"

Have you ever been in a situation, where you happen to run into an uncle or aunty somewhere after not seeing them for a while and during the conversation, they comment on how much weight you have gained OR how you should gain more weight?  Don't they always say it with a smile and never think that what they said was offensive?  They are just stating facts, right?  The last time I was in India, I remember one of my aunties was saying that since the last time she saw me, I have become more fatter and darker.  When she said this to me, it was right after my grandfather's funeral and I was actually eating.  I lost my appetite right then and stood there in shock.  I could not believe she had the nerve to say that to me especially when I am still mourning the loss of my grandfather. What is with our Indian culture having the mentality that it is okay to say negative comments in a blunt and insensitive manner?


Let's say for instance, that you have been told by many aunties or uncles that you're too skinny and that you need to gain weight.  Then a couple of months later, you actually do gain weight.  Now the aunties or uncles will say how you gained too much weight and you need to lose a couple of pounds.  Ironic, right?  They are never satisfied with anything and it's not just about weight.  It can be about any type of choices you have made: your major in college, your job, the house or apartment you live in, your husband or wife, the food you cooked, etc.  Somehow, they always have something to say about any type of situation.     


Some of you may be thinking, "They can't help it because they are speaking the truth," and you are probably right about that.  But, there is a better way to say this truth.  It is all about the delivery of the message and that is what our culture lacks.  They believe that they are stating the obvious and they don't understand that their thoughtless comments can be hurtful to others.  I believe in constructive feedback, where you not only state the fact, but you also have examples of ways that can benefit the person you're giving feedback to.  That way the person receiving this feedback will know this is coming from a sincere and genuine place from the heart.   


I know that we cannot change how our culture thinks that if you don't have something nice to say, say it, overnight.  It may never change.  However, I wanted to let others know that these types of situation are not just happening to you.  Many of us have heard those insensitive comments from uncles and aunties, even those that we are not close to.  While those comments can be hurtful, we have to realize that they will never been satisfied with whatever choices we make and continue in the journey we call life.  At the end of day, it's our life, not theirs. 


I would love to hear any feedback or stories that you have regarding this post.  


~La Feminista